It’s been awhile.

Who else read through their archive then sat there rocking back and forth from embarrassment? Woah, what a crazy kid.

‘Cause maybe I see Gen Y references more and more in print, they’re ratcheting up the generation war. I see Occupy and see kids upvoting and downvoting the revolution one pair of spirit fingers at a time. I see my heroes dying, and my dead heroes forgotten. 

I see old friends that didn’t know the internet now showing off their babies online. I see reminders of dead friends’ birthday, emails of far flung friends’ new lives, and check tweets of people I keep hoping to know. It’s been three years, I’ve been hoping for the wrong things.

I see how people will not like it until people have followed it, will not read it until people have saved it, will not touch it until people have tagged it, and I see how people will not see things until their friends have. At least we’re blind together.

I see that we’re getting to know everyone faster and easier, I see that inevitably what’s novel is being asocial. I see things as inevitable and have been pretty good at predicting things to be so. They say this is what happens when you’re old. 

I see kids gunning for my job, applying for jobs I want, I see myself doing bigger jobs. I see cameras that know you better than yourself and I see bling-blongs everywhere that lets you pinch, caress, and molest. I see people checking into fake realities more willingly than live their real life and I see more real people offline away from their fake online constructs. 

I wrestle with power more, doing the right things even if I don’t have to. I contemplate selling out every single fucking day, but each day I hold out the higher the price I command. But, man, power makes life so easy because I get to do things my old crooked ways.

I see now that you can’t have wealth without work, can’t have pleasure without conscience, can’t have knowledge without character, can’t have commerce without morality, can’t have science without humanity, can’t worship without sacrifice, can’t have politics without principle, and can’t have rights without responsibilities. Your life is where your line is.

I see pot legitimized but because of DMT I no longer fear death. Because of psilocybin I no longer fear life. Because of LSD I better understand my ego. Because of MDMA I fell in love with who I am today. Do drugs but don’t do stupid shit on drugs. More importantly don’t be old, bored, and doing drugs. None of that fits.

I see people no longer wondering if there’s a war. I remember war, but the war I remember wasn’t like the war I didn’t get to fight. I still see racism, and I see it applicable to me as well to others. I see the hopelessness of the streets and remember how I wandered aimlessly because I was bored.

Girls are easier to talk to but discovering that only made me realize how boring they are to talk to. We treat hot people much too well. But, man, I gotta tell you, a cute gal with a tasteful tattoo still gets my crank going. Now, instead, I go right up and tell her, and I tell her when I’m bored.

I see love but it’s clearer there’s much more depth than cards can describe, than flowers can repair, than a blowjob can destroy. The adult kind of love is nice but I miss my kind of love. I don’t miss my kind of heartbreak. I see how I lost my head too easily.

I still see fake people, but now I sniff them too. I say maybe much less and no much more often. I don’t see my old self when I see the mirror, though I don’t quite yet see my future. I tell myself every day is someone’s some day, some day is everyone’s day, today be good.

I see all this. And I used to give too much credit to others in assuming they see it too. But we all live different lives, in varied states of living, and grappling with a varied set of problems. So now I don’t assume and rather outright tell you, I don’t have time to fuck around.

That’s why they call me a genius.

I tell them I never saw it that way.

Give me a call when you can.